There is a time and place for everything.

That goes the same for when I come back to this space and write again.

Just a little bit longer.

Till Next Time

Ki//joy

I'm using up my Third Strike.

Till Next Time

Ki//joy

My Words

Somehow somewhere along the line I lost the urge to use my words the way I always do. I can't speak them and more importantly I can't write them down. Whether it is here in my blog or in the work I have yet to start on (all 7 of them) which have been due last week.

The inspiration has always been there but whenever I hold a pen or sit here with my fingers touching the keys I can't seem to start and not stop until I'm done. Even now I'm having so much difficulty writing a whole sentence. That's also the reason why I deleted my last post. The truth is there wasn't one. I just couldn't do it.

I don't know what happened. They just stopped flowing through my head.

Right now I'm doing this to try and re-inspire myself to go for as long as I can and keep typing the words till they start flowing again but with every finished sentence I have to sit and think hard about what to write next.

I guess I just can't do it anymore.

The words just don't mean anything to me anymore. Even words that aren't personal.

I always find a way to fix anything "broken", in me or in someone else. There was always a solution, another perspective not previously thought of that I caught on and build upon but this time I just don't see it. I just don't know what is the solution to this. If I don't find one soon I'll probably flunk out of college and end up with nothing again. I know what you're thinking, writer's block. This isn't writer's block.

This is something else entirely.

I guess it has something to do with how the general perception of who I am seemed to escalate rapidly and whenever I try to defend or "repair" it just gets shrugged aside. Since then I just stopped caring about what I was to anyone anymore. I still remember who I am though. As hard as it is to just be myself sometimes I realized that no matter what I turn into I will always know what I won't give up. Even if it's reduced to just an inch of my being.

I'll post the last post soon.

10th August 2009 Fort Canning Singapore

Nine Inch Nails

This is one show I won't miss for anything in the world.

After all it could very well be the last one after Trent Reznor announced they are going on "hiatus"

We all know what that means.

Till Next Time

Ki//joy

Wanted to make a topic about honesty to somewhat purge this "thing" I've been lugging around pun malas.

"You know, I don't mean anything bad by saying this but I just got to say it. If it were you in my position I would stand up for you because you're my best friend and not lie to you so you won't sakit hati but I understand the position you're in. It's just disappointing it's come to this"

"Dood, I said that last night to jaga your hati. Would it make any difference if I told you the truth and said I went to hang out with him but you weren't invited because he didn't want you there. Don't say I didn't stood up for you because I did, you pun tau his perangai. This is what I don't like being in the middle of everything because eventually I'm the one who gets blamed. It's not easy for me to jaga everyone's hati. You know he doesn't like you, what am I supposed to do lagi?" - Brian

"Haha, I'm not blaming you or anything. I memang tau he doesn't like me for whatever reason I don't know. I'm not telling you this because I want you to be in the middle. Since he got back I had this weird feeling like he wanted me out of the group and now he found his excuse to do it. I'm telling you this because I knew this day would come. Ryan will definitely be on his side because it has been a long time since he was capable of being on mine. Do the same so you still get to hang out with them. I know I won't be able to anymore with him around"

"I'm not on anybody's side coz you're my best friend but I don't want my friends to gaduh or hate each other. It's just not me to pick sides" - Brian

"Thanks dood, really appreciate that"

"I want my close friends to hang out together but he doesn't seem to get it. Too much pride I guess. I'm really sorry if I offended you, really didn't mean it in that way" - Brian

"The thing is kan that's exactly what I'm thinkin. I don't know why he has to do this. I mean if I was okay with him the other day why can't he? You never offended me bah. Takkanlah coz of such a small thing pun sa mau marah kan? Plus, I knew you were gonna lie before you even said a word. I just wanted to see how funny it was gonna be hahahaha"

"Babi kau ahaha. Anyways tonight pi tengo moofie. This time betul2 sama my chick" - Brian

"Bah2 enjoy urself"

"Palui, sa suru ko join lah" - Brian

"Oh hahahaha. Budu o kan. Bah2 ten four sargeant!"

"Bah see you later. Roger and out corporal" - Brian

All I got was my best friends.

I know I lost one of them along the way when things were bad last year.

That left me with just one. Just one person I could really trust.

But even I know that eventually everyone leaves.

Good to know there will always be just one :)

Till Next Time

Ki//joy